


Three Men and a Baby

by flibbertygigget



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Humor, Bad Decisions in General, Co-Parenting, Drinking, Godfather Sirius Black, M/M, bad coping, parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-01-21
Packaged: 2019-03-07 11:04:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13433382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flibbertygigget/pseuds/flibbertygigget
Summary: After James and Lily die, Sirius gets custody of Harry. It's just him and the baby in a tiny flat, and he's determined to raise him right, all by himself. But then Snape shows up, because he "doesn't trust a murderer with an infant." And then Remus shows up to play mediator. This could get interesting.





	Three Men and a Baby

The previous week had been long and sad. James and Lily were dead, Peter was rotting in Azkaban for being a dirty traitor, and Sirius now had custody of one (1) baby. And Sirius wasn't qualified for this, fuck no. He was barely 22 and had never even dreamed of having a kid. But he was willing to give it a try, because no matter what he was the kid's godfather and, quite frankly, the only family worth a damn that Harry had left.

So the night when all the Last Will and Testament shit had finally been sorted out, Sirius Black stumbled back to his tiny flat in Diagon Alley, put the kid on the couch, and passed out in his perpetually messy bedroom. The last thing he expected to see when he woke up the next morning was his greasy arch-enemy stirring a cauldron of something smelly in his kitchen.

"What the fuck?" Sirius said, blinking. Snape turned around, his billowing robes and perpetual glower combining to create a figure that anyone else would have called menacing, and then Sirius noticed that Harry was sitting on Snape's hip and drinking something out a sippy cup. Sirius didn't even know that he owned a sippy cup. "What are you doing with my godson?"

"What does it look like?" Snape said.

"Er..."

"I'm feeding him. Children do need to be fed on occasion."

"Oh." Sirius rubbed his eyes and suddenly realized that he was only wearing his boxers. He picked up the nearest t-shirt, sniffed it, and pulled it on. Snape looked pained. "What are you doing here?"

"Believe it or not, I don't trust a murderer with a Lily's child," Snape said.

"Oi, I'm not a-"

"If I said attempted murderer, would it make you feel better?" Sirius scowled. Snape waved him off and turned back to the potion. "My motives are immaterial. The point is that I came in two hours ago to find an unsupervised one-year-old with a filthy diaper crawling around a flat that qualifies as a health and safety hazard at best. What Lily was thinking when she named you the child's godfather I have no idea. _I'm_ more qualified than you are, if only because I know that you aren't supposed to let babies sleep on couches."

"Well where the hell else was I supposed to put him?"

"A crib?" Snape was suddenly distracted by Harry. "No, no, there's no baby formula in this potion. Here," he caught the sippy cup, placed it to the side, and handed Harry a few springs of... something, whatever, Sirius was always shit at potions, "throw the lavender in, there you go. Now we have to stir it three times counterclockwise-"

"Why are you here?" Sirius groaned, flopping down on the couch. The couch that he apparently couldn't let Harry sleep on anymore. Fuck.

"The Headmaster tasked me with bringing some pertinent childcare items from Godric's Hollow. Including, you will note, a _crib_." Snape nodded at a large pile of stuff that was near the door. Well, that was one thing Sirius wouldn't have to buy, at least. "I was hoping to be able to brew the potions for the hospital wing today, but seeing as you are apparently completely hopeless I decided that I would instead brew the proper childcare potions."

"There are childcare potions?" Snape rolled his eyes. "Fuck off, Snivellus."

"Thought you wouldn't even crack open a book before taking on the task of parenting a child, Black?" Snape said. "How typical." He waved away the fire from beneath the cauldron and began to ladle the potion into a series of small flasks. "These are to be given to the boy every evening with his dinner. I trust that you will be able to follow those simple instructions."

"I'm not an idiot."

"No, of course not. That's why I didn't have to venture into Muggle London to buy diapers. Oh, wait, I did."

"I was going to get around to that." Snape heaved a put-upon sigh and looked at his watch.

"Lunch," he said decisively. Sirius frowned and looked out the window.

"Lunch?" he said. "I thought you were feeding Harry?"

"He needs solids too, you moron. Or, well, semi-solids at least." Snape scowled at the cupboards. "Do you have anything here besides milk, eggs, beer, and crisps?"

"I was going to get bread at some point. I've been busy."

"Are you capable of cooking anything resembling a meal?"

"Hey, eggs are a meal!"

"Children require a balanced diet, Black. Fruits. Vegetables. Sources of protein that won't give you a heart attack at 25." Snape slammed the cupboard door shut, and Harry laughed. Snape looked at the boy doubtfully and slammed the cupboard again, making Harry clap his hands and laugh even more. Snape shrugged. "Potter, we're going shopping. Black, do you have any money in this hovel? No, don't answer that, it'll be in Wizarding currency." Snape slipped gracefully out of his robe, no mean feat with a baby in his arms, to reveal a black Muggle turtleneck and jeans underneath. "I'll be back. Try to tidy up here; you're worse than my first years."

"Oi!" Sirius said, but Snape had already swept out of the flat. Sirius glared after him and groaned. Had he just let James' kid get kidnapped by the greasy git? Well, he couldn't do much about that now, couldn't do anything except tap the stove with his wand and set to work on breakfast. He'd show Snape that he was capable of making a meal alright, even if it was just eggs.

* * *

When Snape came back, four overstuffed plastic bags hanging from his arm, Sirius had his eggs, more or less. He had meant to make them with the liquid yolks, because then he could have used his toaster to make some toast, but after the first ones came out too cooked he'd settled for scrambled. He raised his eyebrow at Snape, because fuck him, Sirius was an adult, but Snape just rolled his eyes.

"Oh, very good, Black. You haven't set yourself on fire."

"Bugger off. I don't need your help."

"Really? I suppose I should just take all this food back to my quarters, then." Harry began to wriggle.

"Pa'foo," he said, reaching for Sirius. Snape seemed to ignore the boy, instead setting the bags on the counter. "Wan' Pa'foo."

"Give him to me, Snivellus."

"What do you say when you want something?" Snape said the baby in his arms. Harry screwed up his face, and Sirius braced himself for the screaming.

"Wan' Pa'foo peese?" Snape nodded sharply.

"Very well." He plopped the boy on Sirius's lap. "Don't let Harry eat the eggs. I don't know if he has any allergies."

"He's not allergic to eggs!"

"Are you going to be the one to take him to St. Mungo's if he is?" Snape takes out bread and apples and cheese and chicken and, weirdly, some tiny plastic jars full of colored paste. He throws an orange one at Sirius, along with a tiny plastic spoon.

"What's-"

"Feed Harry. He's probably hungry." Sirius looks at the jar suspiciously. The label says 'Carrots' in multicolored ink, one color for each letter. He opens the jar and sniffs it. "For fuck's sake, it's baby food."

"Babies have their own food?"

"Not necessarily," Snape said. He's on the third bag by now, bringing out potatoes and cabbage and more carrots, though these ones aren't mashed up. "But I thought that this made it less likely that you'd end up accidentally poisoning the savior of all wizard-kind."

"Alright, leave," Sirius snapped. "I don't need anyone's help with _my_ godson, least of all yours."

"Don't be ridiculous, some of these things have to be kept cold. You do have a cooling charm on this box, don't you?"

"No, I'm telling you to leave now." Snape's jaw tightened. "NOW!"

"Fine," said Snape. "Fine. Just don't come running to me when you're in over your head." He slammed the door as he left. Sirius looked down at Harry, who was happily mushing the carrots into his hair.

"We don't need mean old Snivellus anyways, do we, pup?" he said to the boy.

"Ba ba ba bu bu," said Harry happily.

"You said it, buddy. I've got this all under control. Padfoot'll take care of you. How hard can it be?"

* * *

As it turned out, it was pretty fucking hard.

"Come on, Harry. Go to sleep, you know you want to." No matter how Sirius whined and needled, Harry still cried. "Please, please go to sleep." Harry bit down on Sirius's arm. "FUCK!" For a moment he thought that he had startled Harry into behaving, but then the kid just screamed harder. "Oh my God, I can't do this. I just can't."

He dropped Harry into the crib and grabbed a handful of Floo powder. It was humiliating, but he couldn't do this, he just couldn't. He needed help, and at two in the fucking morning there was only one person who he knew would help him and who he didn't feel guilty about waking up.

"Snape's Quarters!" he yelled before sticking his head into the green flames. "SNAPE!" There was a crash in the next room, and then Snape came out, tangled in his nightshirt and brandishing his wand.

"Sectum-" Snape stopped and growled at Sirius's head. "Oh. It's just you."

"Well, yeah. Who did you think it was?"

"I've been a spy for over a year, Black. There are many people who you could be."

"Oh, is that what you told Dumbledore to get him to keep you out of Azkaban?"

"Have you woken me up just to insult me, Black? Because if that's the case, I'm going back to bed."

"NO!" Snape's whole body seemed to tense. "I mean, that's not why I called you."

"I thought not," Snape says. "Well, what is it?" Sirius bit into his lip, suddenly reluctant to say anything. He needed help, sure, but he didn't want to admit that to _Snape_. "Does it have anything to do with the screaming baby you are currently neglecting?"

"How did you-"

"I have ears, you know." Oh, right. The Floo connection.

"I'm not neglecting him," Sirius said. "I'm just - He's been crying for hours, and I don't know what to do."

"And this concerns me because..."

"Come on, Snivellus, I know you-"

"Calling me childish nicknames will not make me want to help you any more."

"Oh, so you're just going to abandon Harry."

"I have absolutely no responsibility towards the Potter brat."

"He's not a brat."

"You, on the other hand, ought to be comforting him rather than coming here to antagonize me."

"I'm asking for your help, you prick!"

"Again: why should I care? You made it perfectly clear that you had no desire for my assistance, and I have no reason to interrupt my sleep to fix your rank incompetence." Snape paused for a moment, looking at Sirius critically.

"You done?" Sirius said.

"Oh, forget it," Snape snapped, turning to go back into his bedroom.

"Wait! Please, I need-" Sirius cut himself off. Snape had frozen, head half turned towards the fireplace. There was a glint in his like a shark that had scented blood.

"What do you need, Black?" he said silkily. Sirius groaned.

"Ineedyourhelp," he muttered very quickly.

"What was that?"

"I need your help, okay? God, you're an arse."

"Insulting me-"

"I can't do this anymore! I'm going nuts, and Harry-"

"Oh, shut up, Black, and allow me through." Sirius breathed a sigh of relief as he pulled his head out of the fire. Moments later Snape came through, nearly knocking Sirius over as he strode over to the crib and picked Harry up. He held him firmly, murmuring gently as the child screamed.

"Agrimony is a reversor, and is used in many antidotes and immunopotions. Althaea leaves have healing properties, but cannot be used in conjunction with mint. Angelica root is associated with female power and strength; it is used in most childcare potions. Aspand has roots in ancient rituals of the river valley civilizations, and is often used with runes in the construction of wards. Anise-" Snape paused, looking at Sirius. "You might as well go to bed, Black. This may take a while."

"Okay," Sirius said. He went into his bedroom and closed the door, but he couldn't stop himself from leaning against the door and listening as Snape continued to speak softly to Harry.

"Anise seed can be used to strengthen Occlumency shields. Barberry is also known as Holy Thorn; it is used in barrier potions. Bay leaves are used in most jinx antidotes. Black Snake root provides magical protection and can be used in potions to increase courage. Borage is used in the Calming Draught and is said to bring peace to troubled homes if used in an amulet. Burdock root is a cleanser..."

Sirius fell asleep against the door, listening to his godson cry and his arch-enemy recite potions ingredients in a low, comforting voice.

* * *

When Sirius woke up, every inch of him hurt. For a moment he stared up at the ceiling in confusion, wondering why he was on the floor without a hangover, and then the events of the night before came to him. Sirius groaned. He had been pathetic, utterly pathetic, and now he had to deal with the fallout.

He threw on a t-shirt, not particularly caring about looking presentable, and opened the door, fully expecting to find Snape doing something he could yell at him for. Instead the scene he saw made him pause. Harry was in his crib, fast asleep, looking utterly angelic despite being a little hellbeast the night before. Snape was out as well, lying on the couch, his wand clutched to his chest in a deathgrip. Sirius tried to feel upset about the greasy git sleeping on his couch like he belonged there, like he was a friend or something, but he couldn't. He knew that, no matter how much it rankled, he owed Snape big time.

Sirius shot a glance at the kitchen, wondering if he should make breakfast. He knew he had flour and potatoes, so he could probably do some potato pancakes without too much trouble, and Harry would like the syrup. He nudged the stove to get it going and was in the process of finding a skillet when there was a rap on the door.

Sirius turned to look at the door, but he didn't even have time to wonder who could be knocking. Snape was on his feet, wand pointed squarely at the door and eyes flickering between Sirius, Harry, and the window.

"Black, get Harry," Snape said, his voice still rough with sleep.

"Snape-"

"When I open that door, you'll have maybe 30 seconds. Get Harry and get ready to run."

"You don't know that it's a Death Eater." Snape shot him a glare.

"Just do it, Black." Sirius decided not to argue further. He crossed the room to pick up Harry, who shifted in his sleep, annoyed. Snape, every inch of him tense, crept up to the door, almost jumping out of his skin when the person on the other side knocked again.

" _Expelliarmus_ ," he snarled as he flung open the door. There was a surprised shout and the sound of something glass smashing.

"What the fuck?" said the voice of the man on the other side. Sirius perked up. He knew who _that_ was.

"Moony!" he said. "Moony, my man, where have you been?"

"Sirius, what the hell's going on?" Snape finally stepped out of the way, and Remus walked into the flat, looking very worn and very confused. "I come here with some beef stew for you and Harry, and suddenly I'm under attack. Hey, you cleaned."

" _This_ is cleaned?" Snape said, sounding alarmed. Remus snorted and vanished the glass and remains of the stew. He eyed Snape warily.

"Er, sorry, I don't mean to sound rude, but why are you here?" he said.

"I'm here because Black is apparently utterly incapable of caring for a child," Snape said. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a class to teach in an hour." He walked over to the fireplace, threw the Floo Powder in, and in a moment he was gone. Remus looked at Sirius.

"Well, care to explain what that was about?" he said. Sirius sighed.

"I have no fucking clue," he said.

* * *

It was almost December before Sirius saw Snape again. Unfortunately for Sirius, it was under just about the worst circumstances possible.

He had thought that he'd be safe. Full moon had passed over a week before, and he'd easily been able to get Remus to agree to babysitting Harry. Just for a couple hours, really, just long enough for him to go to a club and have a few drinks, maybe a quick blowjob in the back alley. Nothing major. Nothing stupid. He had the right to have one evening of peace, didn't he?

Apparently, he didn't.

He was propped up between two Muggle girls, with one hand full of arse and the other full of tit, when suddenly he saw him. An angry Snape was pushing through the dancers, glare sweeping around the club until it rested on Sirius. The glare grew even darker, and Sirius tried to straighten up. He was probably a little lopsided, but he was still taller than the Slytherin.

"Black!" Snape snapped. Sirius blinked at him. He suddenly realized that Snape wasn't wearing his usual robes. Instead he was in jeans and a Queen t-shirt, a bandage sloppily wrapped around his left forearm.

"Oi, Snivellus!" Black said, trying to wave at the other man and almost falling over in the process. Snape growled.

"Do you know what time it is, Black?" he said.

"Relax, babe, I got Remus to-"

"Do. You. Know. What. Time. It. Is?" Snape grabbed Sirius's right wrist and waved his watch in his face. Sirius squinted.

"It's only a quarter past midnight. Honestly, I was about to get going. Moony didn't have to freak."

"Look again, you imbecile. Or are you incapable of discerning length?" Sirius felt his stomach drop to the floor.

"Oh, _shit_ ," he said.

"THREE HOURS! THREE FUCKING HOURS LATE, BLACK, AND LUPIN DIDN'T KNOW WHETHER YOU HAD BEEN AMBUSHED OR KILLED OR HAD DECIDED TO FUCK OFF LIKE A COMPLETE CHILD AND LEAVE HIM WITH YOUR FUCKING MESS!"

"Harry isn't a mess!"

"HE! IS! YOUR! GODSON!" Everyone around them was staring now, and Snape growled before grabbing at the collar of Sirius's leather jacket and hauling him towards the exit. "I thought that you had run into trouble or something. I thought that you had been attacked by Death Eaters or run over by a chev or something. But I never, ever thought that you would be this fucking moronic, because even I thought that you gave a shit about her son."

"I do give a shit. I do. Snape, you have no idea-"

"Watch yourself, Black."

"You have no fucking clue what it's been like. The kid is-"

"The kid is a kid. Didn't you say you knew what you were doing? Didn't you say you didn't need anyone's help?"

"WELL, IT'S NOT LIKE YOU GIVE A SHIT!" Sirius tore himself out of Snape's grip, nearly knocking some bloke over. "YOU'RE A DEATH EATER! YOU'RE FUCKING SCUM! MY BEST FRIEND IS DEAD BECAUSE OF YOUR LOT, SO DON'T YOU DARE STAND THERE AND TELL ME THAT I'M DOING A SHIT JOB BECAUSE AT LEAST I'M NOT YOU!" Sirius heard the way his nose broke more than felt it. He hit the ground hard, winded and gasping for breath around the blood.

"You don't know anything - fucking anything about anything, Black," Snape growled out between gritted teeth. "I might be fucking scum, but you're the one who left your godson behind without so much as a fucking word." Sirius saw the huge form of the bouncer loom up behind Snape.

"Do you need any help with him?" the bouncer said. Snape looked up at the other man and then down at his bloodied hand as though he just realised what had happened.

"Oi, he's the one who punched me!" Sirius said.

"Just come back with me," Snape snapped, hauling Sirius up. He slung one of Sirius's arms around his shoulders, and then the bouncer took the other side.

"Fuck you, I don't need you to tell me what to-"

"I, er, I called a cab for you," the bouncer said suddenly, still looking at Snape. Snape shot the bouncer a tight smile that looked more like a grimace.

"Thank you," he said. "Black, _please_ tell me you have money for the fare."

"Uh..."

"Never mind, I think I have enough," Snape muttered.

"You know what, don't worry about it," the bouncer said. Sirius blinked and tried to choke back a laugh. The bouncer was flirting, he was actually flirting with the greasy git. "From what I've heard, your friend here needs to get home to his godson." Snape's smile softened slightly, becoming a little more genuine.

"Thank you," he said again. The bouncer opened the door of the cab and Sirius found himself being pushed in. A few moments later and Snape slipped in next to him, a few Muggle notes clutched in his hand.

"Leadenhall, please," he said sharply to the cabbie, who nodded. Sirius felt himself rapidly falling asleep now that he wasn't on his feet, only kept awake by Snape, who shook him violently whenever he started to nod off. When they finally stopped, Snape pulled him out, muttering darkly at Tom as they walked through the Leaky Cauldron and into Diagon Alley.

"Sirius, what happened?" Remus exclaimed when he opened the door of the flat. When he saw Sirius's nose, he brought up his wand, but Snape snarled at him.

"Leave it."

"Snape, I think his nose is broken. I'll have to-"

"I said leave it!" Sirius felt himself being dumped on the couch. He looked up at Remus, smiling drunkenly.

"Hey, Moony! How's it going?" Remus narrowed his eyes.

"You've been drinking," he said. Snape rolled his eyes.

"I found your _friend_ ," he spat out the word like a curse, "in a Muggle club, in the company of two women. He was not in danger, nor did he have any legitimate excuse for not returning when he said he would." Remus's mouth twisted down into a frown.

"I'm sure that Sirius just-"

"Just what? Just lost track of time? Just decided that the wellbeing of his godson and his supposed best friend were worth less to him than a few drinks and a fuck? What the hell excuses this?"

"Snape-" Snape hissed as Remus put a hand on his shoulder. "Severus, go to bed. It's three thirty in the morning on a school night. I can deal with Sirius."

"You're too forgiving."

"And you broke his nose. You're tired. Go." Snape looked reluctant, but he eventually did Floo back to Hogwarts. Remus sat down beside Sirius, carefully looking anywhere but into his eyes. The longer that Moony sat without talking, the more nervous Sirius felt.

"So," Remus said at last. "What's your excuse?"

"Can't I just go to sleep, Moony? It's been a long night." Remus glared, actually _glared_ at him, and that's when Sirius knew that he had fucked up big time.

"Do you know what Severus thought when I Floo called him?"

"Why should I care what Snivellus thinks?" Remus's glare grew darker.

"He was terrified, Sirius. Absolutely beside himself. I just wanted him to come over and make sure that Harry would have someone here if he woke up while I went and found you, but he was convinced that you'd run into some Death Eaters. I told him that you probably just lost track of time, but, well..." Remus sighed. "He might not have said it, Sirius, but he trusted you. And you just fucked that up. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if he tried to get custody of Harry at this point-"

"WHAT?" Sirius yelled.

"Shh!" Remus hissed, glancing towards the bedroom. Oh. Right. Harry was asleep.

"What? That git? I'll fucking kill him!"

"And you know what? I completely sympathize with him." Sirius stared at Remus.

"I thought you were my friend," he said.

"I am, Padfoot, but I wouldn't blame him. You fucked up tonight, big time. Severus doesn't think that you're taking Harry seriously, protecting him _or_ being a father to him."

"Why does that greasy arsehole care?"

"You're not the only one who lost a best friend on Halloween."

"Lily and he hadn't talked in years."

"And yet he turned spy. He was the one who told Dumbledore that You-Know-Who was targeting them. He put himself in danger every day for over a year. So, yes, he cares about Harry, if only because he's Lily's son." Remus sighed. "Padfoot, if Snape were the one who was Harry's godfather, if he were the one to go off and get drunk and not come home, what would you have done?"

"Cursed him. But that wouldn't have happened."

"Damn right it wouldn't have. Say what you like about him, but Snape's no fool."

"James would never have let Snivellus be Harry's godfather."

"That is completely beside the point," said Remus. "Look, I'm willing to bet that the next time he comes here he'll be spoiling for a fight. Just remember that you're the one who fucked up this time and try not to be a complete idiot."

"He's a Death Eater! Remus, you can't seriously be defending him, he's-"

"He's done as much in the War as either of us, if not more. And whatever he's been before, he cares about Harry. That's why he practically attacked me when I came over here. That's why he was so upset with you tonight. He was terrified-"

"He's fucking paranoid."

"Do you blame him?" Remus shot back. "He knows better than anyone that there are still Death Eaters out there-"

"Yeah, like him."

"And he knows exactly what they're capable of. If he's a bit... overprotective, it's only because he knows just what's at stake."

"That's his own fault. He shouldn't-"

"Just - Just don't make things worse. Please. Believe it or not, he could be a good person to have on your side, especially if he ends up being right about the risk of Death Eaters."

Sirius didn't answer. He didn't know what to think. He had always operated on the policy that Remus was usually right, but Remus had never told him to try and get along with a Death Eater before. It made him feel uncomfortable and unsure of himself in a completely awful and unfamiliar way.

* * *

On Saturday morning, Sirius woke up to the sight of Snape brewing something in his kitchen. Again.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he said. Harry was already awake, he noticed, standing on a chair and playing happily in the sink. Harry turned around a smiled widely.

"Pa'foo!" he said. "Sev here, Pa'foo. Sev!"

"Yeah, I see that, buddy," Sirius said. Snape put a stasis spell over the cauldron and turned to Sirius. He looked tired, Sirius noticed, and also completely alien in his mundaneness. Sirius was used to seeing Snape as either his evil classmate, with threadbare robes and a dirty mouth, or an evil Death Eater, with the mask and the Unforgivables. He'd seen the man in Muggle clothes only once, at the club, and he had just assumed that had been out of necessity.

Apparently not. Snape was dressed like a Muggle again, but this time it could only have been because he wanted to, wanted to be in the loose jeans and a Rainsworth football shirt, wanted to have his hair tied back like a girl. He stood in the kitchen like he belonged there, like he wasn't completely out of place and _wrong_ , and that was just about the scariest thing that Sirius had ever seen.

"What are you doing here?" Sirius said again.

"Ensuring that Potter has at least one adult supervising him," Snape said coldly.

"Hey, I'm an adult!" Snape just gave him a doubtful look. "Are we really going to have to talk about this?"

"Yes." Snape picked Harry up and walked over to the couch, not seeming to care that Harry was pulling at his hair tie. Sirius sat down next to them, forcefully not looking Snape in the eye.

"So," he said, "what's this going to be like? Are you going to yell at me again? Tell me I'm a fucking idiot?"

"You are," Snape said.

"Yeah, Moony already told me, you can go now." Snape was frowning, trying to untangle Harry's hand from his hair. It wasn't working. "Did you ever call that bouncer? At least one of us should get some tail."

"Don't." Snape let out a low sigh. "Look, I want to - to hang around here more. I know that's probably the last thing that you want, but it's just the way it's going to be. I don't trust the wards here, I don't trust your neighbors, and I definitely don't trust you. Anyone could just come in here and-" He clutched the bandage that still covered his left forearm. "And I'm not going to allow that."

"Alright." Snape blinked at him, and truth be told Sirius was surprised at himself. Not for giving in, per say, but for giving in so easily, for being (he shuddered) _civil_ with the git. "I can't say that I really expected anything less."

"It isn't that I don't think you care." Snape isn't looking at Sirius. Instead, he's looking at Harry, like everything he's saying is meant for Harry instead of Sirius. "And I certainly don't underestimate the... difficulties that you have encountered over the last month. But I do believe that you - that we _both_ have been careless. You have no sense of self-preservation, and I have allowed my frustration with you to put Harry at risk."

"But we haven't seen any Death Eaters since You-Know-Who was killed! Surely you don't think-"

"The Dark Lord is not dead."

"WHAT?" Harry jumped and screwed up his face to start crying. Snape bounced and murmured nonsense. "But he's dead, everyone knows that Harry-"

"He isn't," Snape said. "He isn't dead, and when he returns-"

"How do you know?" Snape sighed and began to unwrap the bandage on his arm. "I knew that you were paranoid, Sniv, but this takes the cake. The Killing Curse rebounded; everyone knows you can't survive that."

"I'm holding living proof that, apparently, you can. Besides, even if Potter had died that night, there's still _this_." He threw the bandage to the side and thrust his arm under Sirius's nose, eyes forcefully not anywhere near the other man. Sirius looked down at the place where the bandage had been. The image there was faded almost to the point of not existing, a smudge of black marring sickly pale skin, but it was still clear enough for him to recognize what it was.

"You were one of the Marked," Sirius said. Snape nodded tightly.

"If the Dark Lord were dead, it would have been destroyed completely. It was always - There was no physical aspect to it. It was tied to his magic. So for it to exist, he must still be alive."

"Fuck," Sirius breathed. A month ago, he would have cursed Snape in a moment for revealing that he was one of the Marked. But now... now he just felt terrified. When the hell had that changed?

"When he comes back, Potter will be in danger. Even now, there will be those among the Dark Lord's followers who will seek to kill him for what happened that night." Snape paused. "Considering the circumstances, I feel that I might be the best protection you could have."

Any other time, Sirius would have laughed Snape out of the flat. Or maybe just jinxed him. But now... now he just couldn't. Remus had been right - Snape had every reason to not trust Sirius with Harry after the stunt he'd pulled. Sirius had expected screaming, name-calling, maybe a few Dark curses. He had never anticipated for Snivellus, of all people, to be so damn reasonable.

"Yeah," Sirius said. Snape blinked at him, meeting his eyes at last. "I mean, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, with Harry or with - with anything else. That was fine before, but now..." He looked down at the baby who was playing happily with his arch-enemy's hair. "Now it's not fine." Snape snorted.

"Of course it isn't," he said. "Your wards are atrocious; I don't know how you've managed to keep from getting robbed blind, never mind fighting off Death Eaters."

"I got lucky," Sirius said honestly. His eyes suddenly widened. "Oh, fuck, I got lucky."

"Terrifying, isn't it?" Snape said. Somehow he didn't sound mocking. "Fortunately, you won't be relying on anything so inconsistent as that, not anymore." Sirius flopped back, wondering when Snape managed to become more constant than his usually reliable luck.

* * *

Snape was marking papers at the kitchen table when Sirius finally got up the nerve to broach the subject of Christmas. Predictably, Snape didn't seem to quite get it.

"Why would I spend Christmas _here_?" he said. "Even if I desired to seek more time in your company, I have duties at Hogwarts over the break that cannot be dispelled with the wave of a wand."

"You seem to be seeking out my company just fine," Sirius shot back, "and I'm sure that Dumbledore would be more than happy to get you off his back for a couple days."

"A couple _days,"_ Snape said, horrified. "Surely you couldn't require my presence for more than a couple hours."

"Besides, Harry will want you here, I know he will."

"Harry." Snape glanced over at the toddler, who was happily banging the color-changing blocks that McGonagall had given to him. "I would have thought that you would seek to minimize my interaction with him. And with you, for that matter."

"You were the one who said that you wanted to spend more time over here. Hell, you're doing it right now. Besides, I'm sure that you'll want to make sure that I don't scar him for life or something."

"You have not been as irresponsible as I had feared," Snape said. "The wards are as secure as they'll ever be in a flat that can't have boundary stones placed. I know that if you're at least somewhat capable of defending Harry. And I know that you will call Remus or me if anything you are incapable of handling comes up."

"Alright, let's just say that I'm incapable of handling Christmas."

"Surely even you aren't that incompetent," Snape said, sounding insultingly uncertain.

"I see that you've never been to a Padfoot Party," Sirius said. He leaned over the table, lowering his voice like he was imparting a secret. "Just imagine it. More decorations than the Great Hall. A complete breakdown of meals, which you seem to think are oh-so-important for Harry. Mulled wine. _Presents_."

"Even you couldn't possibly fuck up presents, Black."

"I think that the new Cleansweep would be a lovely present for my godson." Snape's jar of red ink almost tipped right over his grading. He looked at Sirius, open-mouthed.

"You _wouldn't_ ," he said. "Of all the ridiculous, irresponsible, dangerous things to even _contemplate_ -"

"So you're going to come?" Sirius said, grinning.

"If only to make sure to confiscate any gifts that would do in Harry as easily as any Death Eater," Snape snapped.

"Aw, come on, Snape, you know that I wasn't being serious."

"When it comes to completely dunderheaded decisions, I'm learned that you are always serious." Sirius laughed.

"Bitch, was that a pun?" he said. Snape looked furious. "It was, wasn't it? I got you to make a pun!"

"Absolutely not," Snape said. "And I don't think that you'll be laughing when I give Harry a child's potion kit. After all, he's already capable of following directions, which makes a one-year-old a more competent brewer than you."

"So, I'll tell Remus you're coming, then," Sirius said. Snape looked as though he wanted to strangle him. Sirius just laughed.

* * *

"No," Snape said when Sirius offered him a glass of mulled wine.

"Aw, come on, Sniv..."

"If you're just going to drunkenly insult me, I'm leaving." But then Harry toddled out of the bedroom and Snape's face transformed into a small grin. He even allowed Sirius to push the mulled wine into his hand.

"Sev, Sev, Sev!" Harry threw himself onto Snape's leg. "It's Christmas, Sev!"

"I'm aware," Snape said, leaning down to pick Harry up. "What did you get for Christmas?"

"I don't know yet. Pa'foo won't let us open gifts until you get here."

"Well, I'm here now," Snape said. "If I knew that I was depriving you, I would have tried to come earlier." He gave Sirius a weird look, only to be distracted by Remus. Snape carried Harry over to the scraggly tree that Sirius had covered with more baubles than was strictly fashionable and took a few packages from his pocket, expanding them to their original size with a flick of his wand.

It was an almost unnaturally relaxed party. At some point Sirius managed to forced Snape to have a second helping of turkey, which hadn't actually turned out that bad (mostly because of Remus), and a third glass of the mulled wine. Sirius had made good his threat to get Harry a Cleansweep, but it was the children's version that Snape had reluctantly okayed. Remus had, predictably, gotten everyone books, which Snape and Harry took with better grace than Sirius.

Snape got a couch pillow thrown at him when Remus opened his gift, which turned out to be a coupon book for twelve free regimens of Wolfsbane potion. Sirius just laughed when he saw that the arse had gotten him a meal planner. Harry was, of course, ecstatic about the fucking child's potions kit.

"You know what," Sirius said late in the evening, when the mulled wine had managed to take away what passed as his senses, "I think this whole coparenting idea might actually work, Sev."

"Don't be ridiculous," Snape said. "If anything, Remus is the one you're coparenting with. He's certainly over here far more often than I." Snape speaks more formally, Sirius thought dully, when he's trying to avoid giving too much away. Like that he cares about Harry. Like that he likes this.

"No, stupid, Remus is-" Remus was Remus, forever and ever, amen. Snape was something else entirely. "Remus is my friend. You, you're a parent."

"Those two aren't necessarily mutually exclusive," Snape said evasively.

"You're not my friend."

"I'm aware." Sirius made a frustrated noise at the back of his throat, where the vodka he slipped in his own wine burns.

"You're not my friend," he said again. "You're a - You're not my parent either. You're-"

"Black, stop. You don't need to quantify-"

"No, that's your thing. Your - Your - Your bullshit thing."

"Black..." It was the most natural thing in the world for Sirius to kiss the damned git. "Black, Harry's-"

"Harry's asleep, you git. Now kiss me."

"This is such a bad idea," Snape said, but he didn't pull away when Sirius kissed him again. Snape tasted of mulled wine, he smelled of some ungodly mix of potions ingredients, he was stiff and unpracticed and so obviously out of his depth that Sirius had to laugh. As soon as he did, Snape pulled away, face flushed and humiliated.

"Aw, come on, Sev, you know I didn't mean it like that," Sirius said. He tried to go back in, but Snape pushed him away.

"I - I should go. I have rounds tonight," he said.

"You can't just-"

"What, leave you _unsatisfied_?" Snape stood, hands balling into fists. "I don't know if you've noticed, _Black_ , but I don't owe you shit." He grabbed a handful of Floo powder and threw it into the fire, not seeming to care that he spilled half of it onto the Gryffindor-red carpet. With one last, furious look he was gone.

"Well, that could have gone better," Remus said. Sirius jumped.

"You think?" he snapped. "What did I even do wrong? One moment we were fine, and the next-" Remus rolled his eyes.

"You should know that Severus is... well, he's not exactly predisposed to think the best of you. He probably thought that you were laughing at him. He doesn't know that you'll laugh at toast if it's buttered right."

"But I didn't _mean_ it like that," Sirius whined. Remus patted his arm.

"I know, Padfoot," he said. "Now you've just got to let Severus know that."

* * *

Snape was on the floor with Harry, playing with the child's potions kit and resolutely not looking at Sirius. Sirius was on the couch, trying to be a responsible adult and balance his checkbook like Snape kept telling him he should do.

"Fucking budgets, how do they work?" he muttered to himself.

"Oh, for - Fine, give me that," Snape said, snatching the parchment and self-inking quill from Sirius's hands. "Are you entirely sure that you need an entire section of the budget just for beer?"

"Hey, you know me. If I don't put it in, I'll just take it from the groceries." Snape scowled. "That was a joke. You could laugh."

"Alcoholic," Snape said.

"Puritan," Sirius said airily. Snape's scowl just deepened.

"How much are you intending on saving?"

"Er..."

"I'll just change the beer budget to savings. Maybe in a year or so you'll be able to afford a bed frame."

"So you're expressing interest in my bed," Sirius said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. Snape stiffened.

"If you don't want my help-"

"I don't need your help with the budget, Sev. Well, actually, I do, but that's not the point. The point is that we have to discuss this at some point."

"Do we really?"

"Look, you're as much a part of Harry's life as I am." Snape opened his mouth, and Sirius held up a finger to stop him. "Nuh-uh, no interrupting. You are, and I'm not interested in doing anything that changes that. But that means that we can't be dancing around this - this thing."

"This _thing_ ," Snape said, voice dripping with sarcasm. "Is that what you're calling it?"

"Well, it's gotta be something, right?" Snape didn't answer. "Sev, I'm fine with not having any kind of relationship with you beyond, you know, having the same kid. You say the word, and I'll back off. But if you're just too much of a coward to even try to figure this out..."

"I am not a coward," Snape said.

"Prove it. Don't push me away." Sirius took a step into Snape's personal space, close enough to feel the heat pouring off of the other man's body. "I wasn't laughing at you, you know. I was just - It was kind of a ridiculous situation, I couldn't believe that I was kissing you, and it just-"

"Slipped out?"

"Yeah." Sirius wanted to lean in, to kiss the man, but he could tell that that would end everything.

"Black, if this goes up in flames..." Snape's eyes flitted down to Harry, who was looking up at them with an oblivious smile.

"Things can go back to how they were. Are. Harry would probably do some accidental magic on me if I tried to keep you away." Snape nodded, muscle in his jaw jumping.

"Very well, Black," he said. He leaned forward. The kiss was stiff, chaste, nothing like anything that Sirius had imagined wanting. Still, he can't help grinning when Snape pulls back again.

"We're gonna have to get some practice doing that," he said. "You know, if we're gonna be doing this."

"That would be... agreeable," Snape said softly. Suddenly he looked down at Harry, who was pulling at his robe.

"Sev, Harry go poo-poo," Harry said seriously. Sirius laughed at the look on Snape's face.

"Very well." Snape looked uncertainly at Sirius, who was trying to hold in his snickers, then he suddenly smirked. "Why don't you have Padfoot help you?" Harry nodded up at him and looked over at Sirius.

"Pa'foo help? Harry go poo-poo." Sirius groaned.


End file.
